Are We Compatible?
What makes a couple truly compatible
FEATURED
10/25/20261 min read
Compatibility is something that, as a couples counsellor, I get asked about a lot.
Are they really right for me? Do you think we should stay together? Are we a good match?
Frankly, I have no idea.
Compatibility seems to me to be a very undefinable quality. I have seen couples who, on paper would be completely wrong for each other, only to see their love shining bright in everything they touch.
Conversely, I have witnessed couples who for no surface reason slowly tear each other apart, year after year.
Sometimes opposites attract, sometimes similarity is the best option.
To my best guess, compatibility is measured by how a couple is around each other. Instead of asking “are we compatible?”, start by asking yourself “Am I naturally the best version of myself when I am around them?”
Does your person light you up? Do you find yourself happier and more relaxed around them? Do you find that you both bring out each other's best qualities, just by being in the relationship? Not all the time or in every moment, but overall.
Does the good in you, call to the good in them?
If you aren’t sure, start by looking at what drew you to each other in the first place. What qualities do you admire in them, and how do your own qualities respond to theirs? Does this dynamic feel easeful, or are you accidentally pressing each other's buttons?
I also believe that this is something that can truly be worked upon. Look at the qualities you know that light your partner up. What are the blocks towards becoming more of that person? Can you both learn to work with each other, instead of against each other?
Again, you aren’t expected to constantly be a perfect person for your partner. But looking towards what lights you both up is a good basis for finding the middle ground.
Jaen xx
